GreySheeters Anonymous

Step 0: Put Down The Food

Hello Greysheet Family!  Regards from New York City and many happy abstinent days to everyone for 1996.  I would like to qualify as I reached my 90 days yesterday, December 28th, 1995.  It was a pleasure to speak to the community at the West Park Presbyterian church which was honored by the presence of one of our "GreyNet" community from Texas who spoke very highly of the benefits of our email system.

I was a compulsive overeater from the start.  I stole money from my father's pants pockets when I was five years old and convinced my mother to let me "sit on the stoop" which I promptly left for the corner store where I asked the store keeper to give me as much (fill in the sugar-laden blank) as three quarters would buy me.  On the way home I was apprehended by my mother and sister and promptly dropped my newly bought stuff all over the street.  My mother died that year of Hepatitis B.  She was a raging alcoholic and a compulsive overeater.  I remember stealing a bag of (fill in the familiar blank) out of the kitchen cabinet right after she died.  I was six.

Read more ...

Desperate As Only The Dying Could Be

Abstinent in GSA since 25 March 2006, a meal at a time, a day at a time.

I would steal food as a child and eat it in secret. Not normal behaviour for a 5 year old. I felt ashamed and hated myself for behaving like this, and couldn't understand why I couldn't stop doing these "crazy, shameful" things with food. This behaviour followed me into my teens, twenties and early thirties. I didn't know it at the time, but I started to use alcohol to try and numb the pain of the shame I felt for the way I ate. Clearly there was something wrong. The shame and self-loathing I felt because of this was horrible. I knew there was something wrong with my relationship to food but I didn't know what it was. I had no idea that I was being driven by the phenomenon of craving and that this craving for the foods we don't eat on GreySheet was as a result of an allergic reaction my body has to these substances – mainly sugars, grains and starches. I did not know that this was why I could never sustain control over the amounts or quantities I ate of these foods. As I got older, I would try and control the amounts of these foods I ate. My iron-strong will and "fierce determination" would work for periods of time and my life would bumble along appearing normal and in control. Then after a period of this fierce control I would reward myself for good behaviour. Guess what the reward was? Yip, you guessed it – the foods we don't eat on the GreySheet. "I'll just have one. It can't do any harm." The vicious cycle would begin again. The cravings returned, the wanting more, the self loathing for having more, the restraint, the control, the "going on yet another diet," followed by a period of control, followed by a reward, followed by a binge.

Read more ...