Writer #2

MY ONE NMW WHERE I "FAILED" AND IT TAUGHT ME SO MUCH

BE PREPARED! Always bring full back up. Pray to do it with "grace and ease". Let go of what other people think. To thine own self be true, and I KNOW this is really really good for me. I went to Mexico with our youth group. I'd always wanted to be a "missionary nurse" (ego). I hadn't brought enough wg or veggies, or protein. Wasn't assertive enough/deem it important enough to ask anyone to let me take the van to the nearest store or ask the place where we were staying for hard boiled protein, etc. Couldn't do it. Hated w&m'ing in front of others. Called my husband crying, and he (just wanting to support me and me be happy) was like, just quit this! So I did. And it felt good for about 10 minutes. And then all the old reasons why I needed a program like gs came back...Still didn't feel like I belonged anyway ... felt cut off from my HP and had lost that comfortable still small voice behind me telling me what to say next or do next...overate and underate to "make up" for it - told myself I was FINE because I hadn't gained weight ... but I felt crazier... So after six weeks off GS, I ate my last non-abstinent meal. I had more protein than what was allowed, fruits that weren't on it, smaller salad not weighed or measured, AND THE EMPTINESS in my soul sucked ... I thought, this is NOT "worth it". So I came back - I was graced with the willingness. Now I firmly believe, if I can't do it abstinently, it is NOT my HP's will for me to do it. (One woman left GS because she insisted on eating in-between meals so she could run more and run marathons. She gained 10 pounds the first month she left despite upping her running...)