Service Matters • March 2021

Upfront apology - the title of this article is misleading.  I don’t actually know the official reasons that this practice was adopted.  But what I do know is that there are many benefits of this guideline and I wanted to share some of them here.

I got abstinent on the GreySheet on April 16, 1982 in Cambridge, MA.  My first GreySheet meeting was in January of that year.  Like many of us, I walked into that room with very mixed emotions.  I was desperate for relief from the way I managed (or couldn’t manage) food.  I had no more diets in me.  I woke up every day determined to follow some plan and by 10am I had already broken my own promise.  I was in a loop of bingeing, sneaking, vomiting, controlling, self-hate and obsession.  I was exhausted from trying to figure out this food thing on my own.

The first thing I learned in GreySheet was that I am a food addict.  In some people, sugar, starch, grains and carbohydrates set up a craving that is irresistible and insatiable. Along with the physical compulsion in the body is a matching obsession in the mind.  All that made good sense to me.  I heard people share about their personal experiences eating compulsively and I was told to identify with the feelings.  That was easy to do.  Like other members, much of my eating was done in hiding, in the dark, on the streets, in my car, alone.  This secrecy filled me with shame.  It told me I was weak, disgusting, worthless.  Addiction is liar and a powerful isolator.  It convinces us that we’re different, we’re bad, and that “one more can’t hurt; you can start tomorrow.” It never gets better and leaves us trapped and hopeless.

So here’s the thing.  A diet will never cure addiction.  No matter how many diets any of us have tried, no matter what our body size, no matter how much therapy we have or how connected we are to a Higher Power, no diet cures a physical, mental and spiritual malady.  If it did, we never would have ended up here!  With that in mind, it would seem preposterous to advocate giving out a grey piece of paper with a food list to newcomers saying, “Here’s the food plan.  Now you can be cured!”

The first step toward recovery from any addiction is to admit that we have a problem and ask for help.  Speaking with a sponsor allows us to break our isolation and learn what and how to eat with safety.  Being a person who has always preferred to say, “I’m fine, I can handle this…”, having to reach out to a sponsor to get started on the GreySheet made me feel unbearably vulnerable. And yet taking that risk is what opened the door to finding a way out of my food hell.

My first calorie counting book was called “Lose 10 Pounds, FAST!” Perfect title for an addict.  I just wanted the answer, I wanted it now and I didn’t want to talk to anyone.  They say in 12 Step Programs, “If you always do what you always did, you’ll always get what you always got.” That pretty much sums it up. I binged on the same things all the time and none of it ever hit the spot.  It never got better, it never got different.  It only got more miserable. To experience recovery, I had to surrender to someone else’s way. That was, of course, the good news and the bad news.  However, once we take that leap, there is real recovery from food addiction and the GreySheet community is filled with amazing examples of that fact.

Now a word about the food plan itself.  When I first saw that piece of paper, it looked like pure, unadulterated deprivation.  Don’t tell me that a person can survive on a lousy list of vegetables and proteins!  And if they can survive, what a sad and sorry existence that must be.  Well, I would have agreed had I not connected with a sponsor.  The GreySheet itself is not self-explanatory.  Over the years our community has developed an interpretation that is abundant and scrumptious within the context of the plan.  If I did not have a sponsor, I would never know how bountiful my food could be.  I would also never know the freedom of turning over all food decisions to someone else so that my obsessions can remain at bay. 

So, as odd as it may seem in the beginning, a GreySheet comes with a sponsor because we are addressing the three-fold nature of food addiction:  physical, mental and spiritual.  Standing alone, the GreySheet basically looks like a low-carbohydrate food plan, and not an exciting one at that.  But with the guidance of a sponsor and the support of the community and the program, the GreySheet can offer the keys to freedom from the insanity of compulsive eating.  It is a delicious and amazing journey that is not to be missed!
 
Laura L.
Connecticut, USA

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