EARLY-ON NMW

The family went down to my mother-in-law' s condo in Florida. My husband had gone out golfing or somewhere and I was taking the two kids to the beach. Daughter was under 3 years old (didn't walk yet...toddled) and son was about 7. I packed everything ... toys, towels, sunscreen, food for them etc. and my w'd&m'd lunch ... thought ... great! I'll eat on the beach. The condo was about a 5 minute walk to the beach. E could walk next to me but I had to hold C...or, very patiently let her attempt to toddle. I was also wearing a tensor bandage on my ankle or something that affected my mobility ... so, if you can visualize, I was carrying an infant, with a kid next to me, beach stuff hanging off my shoulders and like, limping with a bum ankle...etc. etc. Got to the beach and set up. Everyone's happy...I pull out my lunch. I start eating and realized I left part of my protein back at the condo. Because I had started eating, I knew I only had the hour to work with ... didn't have cell phone to make the call. Was I pissed that I didn't have a stroller. And, I have to admit here, I did think about asking some stranger to "watch" my kids!!!! Somehow and with God-given grace, I managed to pack everything up ... hobble back to the condo with the two kids in tow ... and eat my lunch within the hour ... and REMAIN abstinent. 

EATING BEFORE MIDNIGHT NMW

I had left my dinner in the car when my husband and I went to a party. I chose to not eat at the party. We got to talking and it was getting late. I have fears of eating past midnight. We got on the highway to head home around 11:20 (the drive should've taken about 25 minutes) ... there was serious traffic ... thank goodness I had my meal in the car with me...I was able to eat and finish before midnight...phew! 

GIVING BIRTH NMW

I had prepared all of my meals for my hospital stay when I was having the twins. It felt great to be ready. And yet, you can never be ready for labour and delivery!! I didn't have a scheduled birth (all 3 kids were vaginal and then our son -- the last -- was a "C"section) so scheduling my meals around my eventual labour and then delivery was going to be tricky!! I was most concerned (okay, aside from everything else) about my MEALS ... I didn't want to have to give up ANY MEAL ... turned out I delivered around 7:00 at night ... had an emergency C-section and so basically missed dinner (for a CO missing a meal is ... well, you know ... serious business). The NEXT MORNING I was RAVISHING ... I probably was more emotionally hungry than anything else...but.. .gosh darn...I WANTED MY FOOD. Nobody told me that you can't eat after abdominal surgery if you don't pass gas!! The nurse on call had a VERY heavy accent ... she kept telling me "you must pass gas, you must pass wind" ... I had NO CLUE what she was talking about ... all I was thinking about was my BREAKFAST and that I wanted to EAT. When the doctor did rounds (9:00 a.m.!!! I had been up since 5:30) I ATTACKED him. I said, "look, I am hungry...all I want to eat is two X and one fruit" and he said "ok"... sigh ... I ate ... was so happy ... my stomach was happy ... and, my bowels were relieved ... eventually. 

DEALING WITH KIDS NMWs

You know it's funny ... or at least, it's a good thing ... I've never had my kids pick anything out of my meal (you know those stories where someone just helps themselves) ... I've also never had one of my kids "ask" me for something on my plate that was w'd and m'd (guess they know). I did have to eat "lighter" when the twins were newborns ... I had fear of not being able to finish a "heavier" meal (and having to go and attend to them). I've been camping and other places ... can't recall any serious mishaps ... I know that I will try to pick off debris and eat it if my food falls on the ground (nothing too gross).

MAKING A MISTAKE NMW

I was eating my w'd and m'd meal at, of all places, the cafeteria at the NYC round-up. I realized -- while I was MID meal -- that I was actually eating "two" lunches (I had prepared all of my meals for the weekend in advance and somehow brought two tupperwares when I only needed the one ... I got confused). I stopped, found someone I knew that could sort this one out. She told me what to do (I had to throw out the remainder of the meal) and ... I THANKFULLY was still abstinent. For me ... making the phone call, turning it over, is MUCH easier today than LIVING with the guilt-ridden thoughts of "what if" or whatever. I love NOT having to decide around my food.

WEDDING FIRST DATE NMW

I knew not a soul ... was abstinent about 3 minutes ... at a heavy drinking wedding first date ... it may not have been exactly the first date, but close enough. I bought food at B---- & Circus to bring to this wedding since they guy I was going with wouldn't find out what they were serving for a meal. Sitting across a big round table from the loudest mouth in the room. YOU BROUGHT YOUR OWN FOOD TO A WEDDING????? he asked. Yes, I replied. I was mortified, but abstinent. And I never saw any of those people ever again. Thank God. 

JOB INTERVIEW LUNCHEON NMW 

W'd and m'd while interviewing for a job. oh yes, that was priceless. I had to drive 2 hours to get to this place ... the person who saw me doing it never said a word, and the other guy was oblivious ... and yes, I got the job! 

FIRST DATE WITH CURRENT BEAU NMW

Four years ago ... went to a place in Taos for lunch ... I sat him down before we left, showed him my scale, told him what I'd have to do...he asked, "Do you mind if I have dessert or X?" No, I said. "Let's go," he said. While there, my salad arrived before his, and after I'd painstakingly measured/weighed my salad, he had the nerve to pull a piece of green off my plate. "You can't do that," I told him. "I can't let you do that. I have to have every single thing on my plate." Wow, he told me later that he said to himself, this is going to be different.

EATING AWAY FROM HOME NMWs

(1) The first time I measured my food at a restaurant I was in Florida with my brother and his wife. Very little protein in the salad I ordered so I used my back-up small portable proteins. I didn't have them in a container so they kept rolling off the plate onto the floor.

(2) Having my GS lunch disappear at work from the faculty refrigerator. I was running around like a mad woman only to find out someone had moved it to another refrigerator.

(3) Staying at motels while waiting to move into my RI house, stressful, frantic. Came back one night with my dog. Both exhausted. I found out I didn't have enough oil for my salad so I had to redress and go out again.

(4) I still find measuring in front of people in restaurants difficult. People are talking to me while I'm trying to measure my food. Last year while visiting Fairfield, CT, I ate dinner with a friend. The diner manager told me that I wasn't to come back with my own food again. Glad he didn't tell me while I was eating. I'm often looked at with surprise or humor when I'm measuring. Still bothers me, which is why I seldom eat out. I also prefer my GS food.

EUREKA, I'VE GOT IT! NMW

It had to be within the first month of weighing and measuring because it was still warm enough to have lunch on the beach, and I came into GS on August 17th. My husband and I were having a picnic and two pieces of green stuff fell in the sand. We didn't have cell phones back then, just an old bag phone in the car for emergencies. Well, I started to walk up to the car and my husband exclaimed, "You're not going to call your sponsor! You're a bright woman and you know what she will say." I didn't answer and went up to the car. She told me to just let those two pieces go. When I told K that, he said that I'd known what she would say. And then from SOMEWHERE I got this answer, which is still good to this day. I told him, "Yes, you're right, I did know. But what if half my salad had fallen on the sand? Or what if the entire plate dumped over? Where on the CONTINUUM would I then decide that I didn't know the answer and would have to call my sponsor?" And he looked at me and said, "That makes sense." 

STEALING FOOD NMW

I was at a potluck dinner with women from a P.E.O. group I belong to that raises scholarship money for women. And I put my food at a card table and went to get a soda. I came back to find the nicest woman munching on two little orange things and one red thing from my salad bowl! She had thought this was for the whole table. I said, "No, I'm sorry but they're already measured" and grabbed my two dishes to take out into the kitchen. Then I slunk into the hostess's family room to surreptitiously call my sponsor. (I was brand-new at this.) She again said to let the food go, but I've always been aware of not leaving my food on a table (unless there are only GSers attending). 

MOST EMBARRASSING NMW

My high school friend was visiting with her boyfriend about 5 years ago and we were in the kitchen. My fruit (last one) was cut up in a bowl 'way on the back of the counter, and as we went by, she reached back there and grabbed a piece out of the bowl! I shrieked (I don't know how loud), "No, Midge, you can't have that" and took it out of her fingers as it was just touching her lips! She looked startled (no wonder) and I then had to explain. She was very gracious and has visited other times, but it was so embarrassing. And yes, I ate that piece. 

MOST DIFFICULT TO UNDERSTAND NMW

A college friend was visiting us at the beach cottage and I served (as I always do to guests) a 100% GS meal. And she probably wasn't used to having protein, cooked vegetable and a salad for lunch, so when I asked her if she would like a smoothie made from a large fruit at the end of the meal, she said no, she was stuffed. So I made one for myself (my husband having declined too). It is made from a fruit, [I get more than one fruit a day to maintain my weight], some iced tea, some sweetener and a ton of ice, and so it makes about 20+ oz. I'd guess. I get ready to have mine and you can guess what happened. She sweetly said, "Oh, I would love to just taste it to see what it's like." Well, a sip probably would have had about 1/1000s of the fruit in it, so "normies" couldn't understand, but I know GS is an all-or-nothing program. So I offered to make her another smoothie and she could just have a bit, but she declined. Again, she still loves me. 

TRUSTED ANOTHER GSer NMW

Went to a monthly GS meeting in another state and a GSer there raved about this wonderful "orange diet soda". And she gave me one she had and it was yummy. On the way home I stopped at their local supermarket to get a six-pack, and had a couple on the way home. Later that day I went online to find out where I could buy this diet soda locally, and when I read a description it said it had 10 calories! Oops, another call to my sponsor to find out what to do. (Throw out the other four and don't order any.) But that's when I started to reread the GS and saw that it says we can have "no-calorie diet soda" so I now read the labels all the time even if says a soda is "diet". When I called the woman to let her know what I've discovered, I could tell that this was NOT important to her, and I've never seen her again. 

2 MINUTES TO PACK BEFORE EMERGENCY ROOM NMW

Our grandkids were visiting and Jack (around age 3) was watching PBS in our bedroom. I went up there and found my husband's pill box on the floor with the pills spilled out by a curious little boy. BUT we didn't know if he had eaten any. Called Poison Control and they suggested I bring him (and Carly, age 1) to the emergency room to have his stomach pumped. It was about noon and I didn't know how long it would take, so I took two minutes to throw together the MOST basic lunch (2 oz. dairy protein, 8 oz. prepared raws, 1/2 oz. tan substitute for cooked vegetables, 1 T. fat and one fruit) and rushed out the door. Nutty huh? No! Because then I kept calm, could have my lunch (somehow I think I brought something for kids, snacky, but I can't remember) and was patient until we were able to come home FOUR HOURS later, around 4:30 pm. 

LARGEST VOLUME NMW

The second time I was up at Bates College for a quarterly Board of Trustees meeting, I'd learned that the lovely catering staff was willing to help me get what I needed. Yay! And I was a really new GSer so I told them I would need 12 oz. of salad at this fancy-schmansy dinner they were having in the Museum of Art. I'd brought my backup, but when they brought over MY salad, it was literally in a ceramic serving bowl the size of a huge Tupperware one would use to take a salad for 10 to a picnic! And of course it was 99% greens. I panicked, but then I asked for a dinner plate and took off 6 oz., still 3x what I usually eat, and then added my 6 oz. of backup. But I was embarrassed and thought that eating this part of my meal took forever. I learned from then on to suggest that they give me only 2 oz. of greens and whatever heavy fresh vegetables to make 12 oz. (and I still brought backup and of course reweighed my food). 

HOW LUCKY COULD I BE NMW? NOT.

Seating at Board dinners isn't planned, but I was "lucky" enough :-( to be seated next to the president of the College for three dinners in a row! And he was such a gentleman and made conversation about my scale, but I would have felt blessed if I'd been seated next to someone else. And by the third time (probably 8 months later) when I'd shrunk in size, he was very nonchalant about what I was doing, a class act. I kept remembering, "Another GSer w&m'd her food in front of President Clinton", so this was easier. 

ILLNESS NMW

I was traveling alone to Colorado for the wedding of one of my best friends' son, and the day before I left I saw a black spot on my toe. Figuring it was a splinter I took an unsterilized needle, flicked it off, and thought no more about it. On the plane, my toe began to throb and by the time I was at the B&B it was RED and huge and ugly. I immediately thought, "Oh my, that might have been a deer tick" and I went to the emergency room ... but outside New England (at least in 2001 or so) no one believes in Lyme Disease, and these doctors were no exception. They gave me a VERY mild antibiotic and it didn't help. I was so sick that I went to bed in the B&B and knew that I was too sick to attend the rehearsal dinner. Instead, I slept from 2 pm until 9 am the next morning, just getting up to go downstairs and put a simple GS dinner together. I ate like this: lifted my head off the pillow, took one bite, lay back down and chewed and chewed. Got the strength to lift my head, took another bite, lay down and chewed. It took so long but I finished the meal AND I believe that the protein and vitamins helped me heal so that I was able to go to the wedding the next day. Not perking, but able to attend. And when I got home, my wonderful internist diagnosed the Lyme Disease, gave me heavy antibiotics for the next three weeks and I was prevented from having any other symptoms, thank God. 

SCARIEST NMW RECENTLY

A few months ago I was measuring some liquid protein into a small container and I'd committed 4 oz. Well, I emptied out the carton and it came to 3 7/8s oz. And instinctively I put in a few drops of water and it read "4 oz." on the scale. I used the liquid and felt fine ... until about 2 hours later when this gong in my head went off and I thought, "WHAT was I thinking of? Even though X has water in it, I did NOT measure 4 oz. of it!" And then I knew I had to tell my sponsor. I really was sure that this might be a Day One. Well, she was gracious and judged that I hadn't done it willfully, but it really raised my consciousness about how vigilant I need to be. 

WHAT-A-PAIN NMW

Three weeks ago, I had a Japanese dinner out with an old OA friend, and as our first course was served, I reached into my bag to get backup raws and realized I'd totally forgotten to pack my scale. I ran out to the car but the scale I keep there was missing too. So I drove down to a Bed Bath & Beyond store to buy another scale (unneeded, since I have many). Luckily the store was only 5 min. away, not 45 min. This woman eyeballs her meals and called in to her sponsor while we were at the table, so I am sure that "GSA" isn't looking very civilized to her at the moment! But I do it NMW and she is still struggling with the last 40 lbs. after "being abstinent" for a year and a half and losing 70 lbs. My gratitude for this GreySheeters Anonymous fellowship has no bounds.

MY-FAMILY-GETS-IT NMW

One recent NMW, heart-warmer to me, was last Saturday when I was leaving my parents' home. First problem: lost/possibly stolen or misplaced US passport. I have an Irish one with me as well, but as I'd entered the US on the US passport and had no visa stamped in the second passport, getting out of the country might be a problem. I was searching everywhere and getting out of the house late. My mother carried my food bag with my packed lunch and my scale on her shoulder, the lightest bag: she wanted to help as she couldn't carry anything else with her bad hip/ arthritis. We packed the car, and I drove off: all of us more sad than usual: the good-byes are more poignant as they age and as we've all lost my brother... they don't like saying good-bye to their children. I drove off, made it to the airport, car return... feeling sad leaving "home" of my childhood, extended family, etc. At car return place, I see several messages from my mom. Phone had been on silent. She is panicking into the phone: X, X, please answer, please pick up (she thinks it's like an answering machine... that I was screening calls or something). She had my lunch bag and scale and was frantic for me that I wouldn't get my lunch or scale. I realized I was okay, I had a back-up scale on me and I had a hostage meal for next day's lunch accessible... I called her and calmed her down, she was so touchingly worried for my abstinence, she was really panicking for me... I told her it was my fault, my responsibility to have that bag on me, not hers... just to please try to help me not make that mistake again another time. She really gets it, she sees what effort and commitment abstinence takes and really supports it as much as someone who is not GS can. I ate a #3 meal, but was just grateful to make it through the security, etc... (I had some trouble about the passport, but they gave me a waiver...).

MY ONE NMW WHERE I "FAILED" AND IT TAUGHT ME SO MUCH

BE PREPARED! Always bring full back up. Pray to do it with "grace and ease". Let go of what other people think. To thine own self be true, and I KNOW this is really really good for me. I went to Mexico with our youth group. I'd always wanted to be a "missionary nurse" (ego). I hadn't brought enough wg or veggies, or protein. Wasn't assertive enough/deem it important enough to ask anyone to let me take the van to the nearest store or ask the place where we were staying for hard boiled protein, etc. Couldn't do it. Hated w&m'ing in front of others. Called my husband crying, and he (just wanting to support me and me be happy) was like, just quit this! So I did. And it felt good for about 10 minutes. And then all the old reasons why I needed a program like gs came back...Still didn't feel like I belonged anyway ... felt cut off from my HP and had lost that comfortable still small voice behind me telling me what to say next or do next...overate and underate to "make up" for it - told myself I was FINE because I hadn't gained weight ... but I felt crazier... So after six weeks off GS, I ate my last non-abstinent meal. I had more protein than what was allowed, fruits that weren't on it, smaller salad not weighed or measured, AND THE EMPTINESS in my soul sucked ... I thought, this is NOT "worth it". So I came back - I was graced with the willingness. Now I firmly believe, if I can't do it abstinently, it is NOT my HP's will for me to do it. (One woman left GS because she insisted on eating in-between meals so she could run more and run marathons. She gained 10 pounds the first month she left despite upping her running...)

In the beginning, in 1989 I went to meetings in NYC at least 4 times a week, but after years of struggle, including going through a lot of deaths in the family, I finally lost it completely, and learned that I had to surrender ALL THE PARTS OF MYSELF to this program. In 1998 after 1 year of back to back abstinence I married and moved here to Washington State where there are NO meetings really. So all those meetings I went to and LISTENED AND LISTENED AND LISTENED are still with me today. I have all those tapes too and listen to them frequently.

1. In the very beginning, I went to a greysheet meeting every day. Today 3-4 years later, I go to no less than 3-4 greysheet meetings a week. I do not substitute AA meetings for GreySheet, as I live in a city where GreySheet is in abundance. I seldom substitute phone meetings for live meetings.
2. I go to therapy and Al-Anon 4 days a week as I ate because I hurt so much and need healing on an emotional level.
3. I have belonged to a Buddhist group for the last 14 years so that is where I get my spirituality from and my prayer and meditation.
4. I do lots of service in the GSA community. I help the next compulsive overeater.
5. I share HONESTLY about where I'm at ANY GIVEN TIME IN MY PROGRAM, BE IT POSITIVE OR NEGATIVE.
6. I keep an open mind.
7. I study the Big Book especially the Doctor's Opinion and More About Alcoholism; for today, I don't eat no matter what.

For me what has really worked throughout my abstinence is "Move a muscle, change a thought."  Whenever I want to eat, I first get out of the kitchen and away from the food. Then, as I do with my young children, I distract myself.  I do anything to forget that I am "hungry." I put my blinders on and I say "I'm not going to eat no matter what...not an option," so what else can I do for the next hour or so until it's lunchtime? Even making a cup of tea can be distracting and physically filling.

1. Get on my knees each morning and ask for help to not take the first bite.
2. Go to a meeting.
3. Make 3 calls a day.
4. Don't Eat No Matter What.
5. Get on my knees every night and thank my HP for a daily reprieve from compulsive overeating.

1. Have a CD player in my kitchen where I prepare my food. I am then able to play my most favorite music (women singers, Celtic, bluegrass, new age, YoYo Ma) while I'm chopping, weighing and measuring. It makes the experience very pleasurable, and for me, who used to eat whole meals whilst I was preparing food (and then sit down and eat whole meals!) it just seems to keep me focused on taking care of myself and Not Eating No Matter What!  No Extra Bites during preparation. But I can listen to all the great music I want!
2. For me is that abstinence is a promise. Food was destroying my life in many ways and I decided I wanted to live!  I also am a person who keeps promises, I guess from my earlier Girl Scout days. The words of an old Girl scout song was as I remember it:  "Whenever you make a promise, consider well its importance, but once you have made it, engrave it upon your heart." That's how I feel about following GreySheet, a promise made to myself, and when I commit my food to my sponsor, that's a promise I made to her! This thought has helped me for the past 5 years.
3. I am organized today. I bring my breakfast and lunch to work. Bought a little scale, T spoon and 1 cup measuring cup in a little bag to bring with me every day.
4. I have phone numbers to call and e-mail contacts. I made phone & email lists in Excel, printed a bunch of copies, and have them everywhere so I can find the info I need at a touch.
5. I listen to my sponsor and do what she tells me.

1. Write a gratitude list daily.
2. Drink 12+ glasses of water a day.

1. Being totally desperate and willing to do whatever a qualified abstinent person said to do to get relief.
2. Not waiting until I had self-esteem, faith, loved myself, or found a loving and kind sponsor that I bonded with.
3. Following directions even when they were illogical, inconvenient, or expensive or given to me by someone I didn't admire.
4. Making three GS connections a day (this is where graduate student poverty forced me to invent the GreyNet to avoid long distance phone calls from Kalamazoo, MI. Desperation to be abstinent may be the mother of invention.)
5. Driving three hours to Chicago or two hours to Ann Arbor to GS meetings even though I was too busy with studying or too broke to buy the gas
6. Starting a GS meeting in Kalamazoo even though it was often just me, copies of the GS, and my Big Book for weeks on end
7. Working with newcomers after I had 90 days even though scores and scores (maybe even hundreds and hundreds!) never came back
8. Going to the NYC Round Up, the Cambridge Marathons, and the Chicago Retreat (those were the only GS gatherings in my early years - now there are many to choose from) (again, despite being much too busy, much too afraid of financial insecurity, and terrified of GS people I didn't know)
9. Listening to GS tapes in the car, as I walked around campus, and when preparing and eating my GS abstinent food, i.e., whenever I wasn't studying or in class
10. Promising myself that I would eat tomorrow but since I had committed my food that morning, I would be abstinent today
11. Chewing pack after pack of sugar free gum (that lasted a year) and drinking gallons and gallons of diet soda (that lasted years) whenever I wanted to eat
12. Calling my sponsor on time everyday, calling in food changes, and calling with GS questions or dilemmas
13. Throwing out all non GS foods and stocking up on emergency GS supplies
14. Going to the grocery store to make sure I had the food I committed
15. Going to AA meetings everyday in the absence of GS meetings even though I didn't think I was an alcoholic
16. Eating huge meals
17. Trying everything vegan on the greysheet at least once and constantly expanding my soy choices
18. Napping after my meals to get through the tragedy of 4 ounces.

Hi, I'm [Anonymous], a Co, and I W&M 3 meals a day from the GS, DENMW in between, write my food down, commit it to my wonderful sponsor, and Abstinence is the MOst important thing in my life today, because without it I don't have a life. I was really touched by the person who said she had time on her hands didn't know what to do with it and not eat. I still have those times, I'm a stay-at-home mom and although that gives me plenty to do, I still find those times when my soul is bored and my mind is stretched, and the food begins to call to me. Here are some of the things I do instead of eating:

• First, I call other GSers.  I find that what I'm doing is feeling some feeling I can't identify.  In the beginning of abstinence, it was often grief over letting go of the food.  Not an easy feeling to sit with.  Really powerful, and it's good to talk to someone who understands the feeling.  If anyone needs a copy of the GS Phone List, you can email phonelist@greysheet.org to request a copy.
• Read or listen to the GS shares on the website:  Written/Audio Qualifications.
• GET TO A MEETING.  I don't have any GS meetings here in MN, so I attend LOTS of GS Phone Bridge Meetings.  There are phone bridge meetings every night at 9pm EST and three times a week at other times.  I get to most of them, to build the defense against the first bite.  When I lived in a face-to-face GS community, I went to almost daily (if not more) meetings.  I need the "brain washing" that I get at meetings.  Gratitude flows when I'm in a meeting.  Meetings are NOT just for newbies.  The oldtimers I know still go to many meetings a week.  As I've always been told "Meeting Makers Make It."
• Write to the GreyNet and share where I am.
• Call my sponsor.  I always encourage my sponsees (or any other GSer) to call me when feeling 'discombobulated'.  We don't have to do this alone.  It's a "WE" program.
• Take a bubble bath (sometimes accompanied by two kids and wandering cats, sometimes blissfully alone). I take a nice book and a cold drink in to the bathroom and I soak and read and dream.
• Give myself a pedicure. There's nothing I love better than a pedicure, so it's really very special to give myself one.  If I can go out and have someone else do it, all the BETTER!
• Give myself a facial (see above).
• Go to a movie. During the day there isn't so much munching, and if I need to, or can, I bring my lunch and munch to my heart's content.
• Bring a movie in. Can't do that anymore, since I gave away my TV and VCR 18 months ago, but I used to do that and it was a nice alternative.
• Clean out the fridge. If that is too close to the food, I don't.
• Declutter or clean out some other room/'hot spot'. For some reason this helps me declutter my mind, too.
• Fix and pack extra meals. If that is too close to the food, I don't.
• Get out my drawing supplies and play.
• Get out my handcraft supplies and play.
• Get out my tape player and headphones, a book on tape, and listen to it while doing some of the above activities. It drowns out the "Committee" in my head and I find some peace that way, strange as it may sound.
• Read the Big Book and the Twelve and Twelve and the 12-Step meditation books. Sometimes I hear just what I'm supposed to hear.
• I'm not a journal-writer, but sometimes if I just can't get what I need I pick up a pen and I find my beautiful journal (a gift) and I do stream-of-consciousness writing.  It's remarkable what I connect with when I do this. Why don't I do it frequently? Maybe some day I'll find out grin.
• I go for a walk. I frequently feel much better after taking a walk. I hate to exercise (isn't it enough that I have to do GS???) but it's another of those things that almost always makes me feel better.
• I put on a favorite tape or a cd and sing&dance with my kids. See above re: walking.
• The thing I've learned is that feelings pass. Abstinence is worth hanging around for. When I first came back this time around, I had no earthly idea what I liked to do, what would make me feel better, what would help me pass time until the next meal.  I just sat on my hands a lot and waited. Now I have a few options I hadn't thought of then, and it's a wonderful thing to them share with all of you. I have come a long way in the last year and a half, plus.
• Just Don't Eat No Matter What, and it will get easier, I Promise. If you don't believe me, read the promises in the Big Book (p. 83).

One last comment. 
I have been trained to Love My Food. I am a Compulsive Overeater. That means I am NOT normal around food. I will never consider in my heart that food is fuel. Therefore, if I want to stay abstinent, I have to LOVE my Food. The GS lets me have safety around loving my food. If I eat foods from the GS, Without Exception, committed,and W&M'd, then I get to enjoy every morsel. I HAVE to LOVE my food.  If I don't, I WILL eat again. This is not a diet.  All diets fail, and if I use GS as a diet, it will fail, too.  I can't wait until I have time or energy to do the work to find #10 meals. I have to have them every single meal (with those rare exceptions when circumstances call for a quick and easy meal, but notice I say RARE). If I am bored with my food, I have to take action to find foods on the GS which make me look forward to each meal and which give me orgasms during each meal. This is difficult to 'get' until you do it. It IS safe. It IS surrender to the GS. Don't look at recipes, call other GSers and ask what they love. Find what you love, and give yourself the gift of #10 meals and abstinence. You deserve it! Abstinent and Grateful, 
Anonymous in MN, USA

I am abstinent today off the Grey Sheet.  I weigh and measure three meals a day, commit them to my sponsor and don't eat in between no matter what.  What does no matter what mean?  It means that my abstinence comes first in every single situation.  There is nothing that can ever be improved by my picking up the food, and everything can be made worse if I do.  I have gone through travel of all kinds, three pregnancies, moving, grieving, disappointment, joy, lots of school and work, and all without needing to pick up a bite.  I was told in the beginning that there are a thousand reasons to eat but no excuses.  That really made sense to me.  If we pick up, it is because we are compulsive overeaters, and the disease lies in wait for us.  I choose to let it keep waiting indefinitely, for today! I have lots of tricky financial stuff to deal with at the moment, and it is producing anxiety to the point of triggering a stress-related stomach problem I have suffered from for many years.  Whenever this problem arises, I am reminded that I am letting fear rule, and I need to slow down and work the program harder.  So here is my post to remind myself that feelings aren't facts, and that I have a HP who has always taken care of me if I do the footwork. First of all, I need to stay abstinent.  Second, I need to take appropriate steps to fill out the scary forms I have to complete, including asking for help when needed.  It will all get done, a day at a time, if I stay abstinent. Thanks for being there for me, and DENMW!
Anonymous in DC

Hello, This is [Anonymous]  from the Cincinnati Greysheet community.  I am abstinent & grateful today by the grace of God and the support of the Greysheet community.

I weigh and measure three meals a day from the Greysheet, write them down, commit them to my sponsor, and I don't eat between meals no matter what.  I have 134 pounds of physical recovery and 34 months of back-to-back abstinence.  Abstinence is the most important thing I do for myself today. A new Greysheeter recently asked for advice on handling eating out at a business meeting.  He is afraid of relapse and is not yet confident of his weighing and measuring abilities in a public setting.  He was considering not eating during the meal and wanted ESH on how to handle that  I, too, often choose not to eat.

I fully support those Greysheeters who choose to weigh and measure at a meal hosted by civilians, but I often find that I am still too overwhelmed by fear of making a mistake to do it in a business setting.  My choice not to eat gives me serenity.  Since this Greysheeter seemed to want the same serenity, I offered him the following advice.  I thought it might also be helpful to others. Choosing Not to Eat Considering your state of mind, I highly recommend eating your abstinent meal alone in your room prior to the business meal.  You can then sit and socialize with your colleagues during the business meal.  If you are going to use that technique, you should be prepared to: a) Quietly and unobtrusively drink an abstinent beverage while others are eating.  If the conversation is focused on how good the food tastes, you can comment on how good your beverage is.  Discuss how much you like herbal tea, African coffee, or Smart Water.  Talk about the best tea and coffee shops in your town.  Move the conversation away from food and toward the beverage.  Then, if people ask what you like to eat, and they are asking out of a genuine desire to include you in the conversation as a friend, you could discuss your food choices if you want.  Discussing your food choices should depend on your level of comfort.  I never discuss my food with people who are hostile and disdainful of my food choices.  They don't deserve the honor.  I don't cast pearls before swine. b) Learn to serenely answer questions about why you are choosing not to eat.  People will ask why you are not eating and many of them will continue asking until their curiosity is exhausted.  You should say, "I have a severe sensitivity to any form of sugar.  I have to be absolutely certain that my food is prepared in accordance with my dietary needs.  Therefore, I find it much easier to prepare my own food.  I wasn't sure if I could bring my food here (i.e., to whatever restaurant they are in), so I decided to eat my meal prior to coming."  Let people know you are not hungry, not uncomfortable, not unhappy, not dying to eat, not envious of their food, etc., etc.  People put so much emphasis on this, sometimes they won't let it go and they go on and on about how bad they feel that you're not eating.  Practice deflecting their emotions.  They will flood you with emotion if you choose to participate in their emotion.  Be polite (because it will make you feel good about yourself), but firm (because it will make you feel good about yourself). c) Before they can make you feel bad about your choice of not eating, take control.  Before they even ask, use some of the following example statements: "This is the right way for me to eat and I'm so happy I've found it." "I'm so glad I found this way of eating.  Before I found this way of eating, I was sick all the time." "I am so much healthier and happier now that I can eat this way.  It's very good for me." If you are afraid to make these statements or can't imagine yourself saying them, stand in front of the mirror and say these statements out loud several times a day prior to your business trip.  Look yourself in the eye and say them out loud 10 times. Obviously, the techniques I described here are similar to being in combat, being captured, and learning to provide just your name, rank, and serial number.  I highly recommend taking on that mindset and using it to its full advantage. We have to be fully convinced that we deserve to keep our disease in remission.

Civilians don't understand, and that's ok.  They have a right to their own lives.  But we can live the way we need to live if we stand our ground. No Matter What.
Anonymous

Hi,
I'm [Anonymous], compulsive overeater.  I weigh and measure my food from the greysheet three times a day, call it into my sponsor, and don't eat no matter what. I recently celebrated 7 years of back to back abstinence.  My life now, does not resemble my life before at all.  I am grateful that I tried all of the "diets" out there before I crawled into greysheet, because now I don't wonder if anything else would work for me.  Everything worked temporarily.  Greysheet is the only program that gives me freedom from compulsive eating, allows me to LOVE my meals, and teaches me boundaries and self-care on a level I never knew. I have had to weigh my food in some very uncomfortable situations.  The uncomfortable situations took moments, not weighing my food would have taken my life.  

Sometimes it's awkward to have to walk into an unfamiliar setting carrying a scale and back-up, but not as awkward as walking in carrying 100 extra pounds. The time I put into maintaining my abstinence is a drop in the bucket compared to what I put into the perfect binge, or whether I had been "good" or "bad", whether the people in the room had seen me go up to the buffet already, wondering if I was really as heavy as I looked in pictures........it never stopped. I was preoccupied in the first days of abstinence with how I could possibly get through a birthday with no "x", or never have another bite of "y".  My first sponsor asked me if I could not have any "x" for today, of course I could get through today......it was the rest of my life I was worried about.  Then I got it.  For the first time in program I truly understood, "One Day At A Time." What a relief I felt.  The "rest of my life" was only a sequence of days.  I could only deal with today.  I could do anything for one day. So, I'm grateful.  Grateful for the back to back days that have accumulated.  It got easier.  It really did.  If it wouldn't have, I wouldn't still be here.  The cravings went away.  The withdrawals went away.  My higher power definately gave me a new life.  Miracles happen. One Day At A Time,
NMW,
Anonymous in MA

'Tis the season for Goodness Hangovers.  Beware. These bothered me the first few years of abstinence on the greysheet, because I had not yet recovered fully from Career Dieting. The Goodness Hangover was the last phase of my Dieting Syndrome.  It usually happened when I had done very well on my diet, and then had to make an heroic effort at some event where all my binge foods were spread out in front of me.  I was very very strong and did not partake of this spread of goodies, and returned home congratulating myself on my will power and strength of character.  At that point, I was in the full bloom of the Goodness Hangover - I was just a magnificent, terrific person, completely changed - the eating problem was solved, and I would march into the sunset a thin woman at last. The next day dawned on terrible hunger.  I was literally clawing the walls for anything sweet, and never lasted longer than breakfast, where I began wolfing down anything sweet I could find.  By that evening, I was completely drunk on sugar, and knew I was a complete and total failure, never to rise from my fat again.

Thus would begin what the Big Book calls 'the sorry round' of food addiction. The first time in greysheet abstinence that I 'did lunch' with my old friends [I had been abstinent on the greysheet for over a year - I was a Seasoned Greysheet Veteran], I felt confident that this kind of thinking was a thing of the past.  Imagine my surprise when I woke up the day after 'doing lunch' wanting to eat everything in sight.  However, by then I knew what to do in any emergency: I called my sponsor, committed my food, told her about my cravings, and listened to her advise me to pray. What a concept!  I had forgotten . . . I could pray, and God would take away the craving.  God had been doing this for me for many months, and in one day, I had completely forgotten that there even was a God, much less that God was with me and could relieve my suffering. This is a God program.  Don't forget.  DENMW.
Love, Anonymous

Hi there GSA community !  [Anonymous] here.  I'm A & G today because I W & M 3 meals a day from the CGS, write those meals down, commit them to my sponsor and don't eat in between NMW !! Our family celebrated Thanksgiving last Sunday at our house and I am so grateful to have protected my abstinence; I "planned, prepared, and protect" -ed my abstinence just like you taught me.  Here's what I did:

1. Had a number #10 breakfast as late as possible
2. Decorated the dining room days in advance so I could enjoy the ambiance.
3. Asked guests to bring the desserts
4. Prepared all kinds of GSA vegtables in advance; going for color and for texture
5. Placed all non GS foods at the opposite end of the dining table (away from me)
6. Shared my plan with another GS person and called them just before we were to sit down to eat dinner.
7. Called designated GS person after dinner clean up
8. Asked others to help clear and scrape & wash
9. Kept bowl of soapy water running in the sink to remind me to clean my fingers if any foods got on them
10. Asked others to place leftovers in plastic containers prepared in advance for this purpose.  Placed items in brown paper sacks
11. Use a lovely holiday goblet for holiday beverage like sparkling water and an abstinent sugar free XXX combination..very elegant
12. Rent a favorite movie for later in the evening.
13. Send all desserts and non GS leftovers home with guests in brown paper sacks.
14. Make the last meal of the day a #10 favorite: such as using the traditional Thanksgiving day orange vegtable in some sort of baked sue-flay (can't spell)
15. Thank God at nite for helping me remain abstinent another day.

I heard a woman in GS say "we need to learn how to be abstinent"  How true this is.  I am so very grateful the day went well and that I feel good about myself and I don't physically hurt from gorging on food like I used to.  I'm one of those COE who did not know when she was full...I only knew when I was stuffed.  Today W & M my food from the GS tells me when I am full enough.  Glad to be part of the GS community and I wish you all a very thankful Thanksgiving (remember: Don't give the day more power than it deserves !!)

Anonymous

Dear Group - Thank God for GreySheet.  I'm still abstinent - on day 86.  This is long-term abstinence for me.  A few months ago, I was unable to get more than a couple of days at a time.  For some periods I would call my sponsor every morning and binge every single day for weeks.  I was in that place they talk about in the Big Book - terror, bewilderment, frustration and despair.  As far as I was concerned the situation was hopeless. By mid-morning, I would say "What's the use?" and eat.  Not only was I fully in victim mode, but the food had me in a complete chokehold.  When we read How It Works in our meeting I often key in on the words cunning, baffling, powerful.  It's hard to find the words to fully describe how much control my eating addiction has when it's activated. As for the cunning aspect of it, I heard once at a meeting that the chains of my eating addiction were too soft to be felt until they were too hard to be broken.  It was completely baffling how I couldn't do something that I had been able to do in the past. Once at a meeting I told the group that I felt like I was in the ocean and everyone was tossing me life preservers, urging me to grab on and get on the boat.  I was utterly clueless as to my inability to grab on and save my life, despite my desperation.  Freeing myself took a lot of willingness, intervention-type help from people in the program and an act of God.

Some of the past few weeks I've felt like I was an abstinent robot.  I have done food part, turned off my head, and showed up for as much of life as I could, which wasn't much.  I'm still in hard core withdrawal, sleeping a lot, feeling achy, exhausted and overwhelmed. My body is under the stress of withdrawal, detox, losing weight, and carrying extra pounds.  It's also in shock because I'm only eating fresh fruit and vegetables and wholesome proteins.  I suppose I remember withdrawal before, but somehow going through it again is a rude awakening. Thank God I have not had many white knuckling incidents.  The worst was on day seven, when I was in my fourth grade classroom.  I had decided to binge and had the food heating in the microwave.  Someone from the program called me right at that moment, and I told her I was about to binge. Of course, she basically told me that wouldn't be a good idea, but somehow I feel she helped me tap into the part of me that was sick and tired of being sick and tired.  When I hung up the phone I felt all of the fight leave my body and surrender take its place.  That was a great moment.  You know what they say - it's always easy to find God - he's at the end of your rope. One thing I wanted to share was the mental retraining I've needed to stay away from that first bite.  There are many one-liners and slogans that surprise me every time they work!  They are so simple and are made up of such silly simple words, yet they are the most powerful weapons I have against relapse.  I believe they are gifts from my higher power and nothing short of miraculous. One slogan I've been using a lot is this too shall pass.  These four small words save my life.  When I have food thoughts, I say that.  Then a couple of hours later, I realize that I've had two hours of freedom from food and have forgotten the discomfort I'd had.  I treasure those two hours of freedom like they were gold. I'm very grateful for GreyNet. Thank you everyone for your sharing. 

Anonymous

Hi Greysheeters I am abstinent and grateful.  I commit my food to my sponsor - I weigh and measure each meal without exception and abstinence is the most important thing I do no matter what today. I was talking to a friend in AA yesterday.  In a cafe she had a soda with flavouring added that contained the stuff she is addicted too.  It slipped past her radar because she can normally purchase it without 'the stuff' at the corner store.  She was rebelling against her sponsor's suggestion she go back to day one.  The lesson I learnt from her, that had not sort of hit me before is that I need to grasp my abstinence a lot harder than I grasp my day count.  Clean abstinence is infinitely more important and useful to me than a long day count.  Goodness knows I've had my share of technical stuff ups (and not so technical also :-}) and each time struggled with the head talk that goes - "it's not a big enough deal to go back to day one with".  Today my abstinence is clean because 309 days ago I fessed up and let go of my day count to stay rigorously honest with this program - and I haven't stuffed up since - Thank you HP and sponsor and GS family!! Anyway, I am stoked to be abstinent as I head towards Christmas, the traditional time of physical, emotional and familial binges! Yay only 12 days to Boxing Day!!!!

IDCGSNMW
Anonymous, NZ
December 13, 2005

Hi, I'm [Anonymous] and I'm a compulsive overeater.  My abstinence is 3 weighed and measured meals a day off of the Greysheet and I write my food out, call my sponsor, commit my food and weigh and measure without exception.  As a result of these actions I've been abstinent from compulsive overeating since Feb. 15, 1990, and abstinence is the most important practice that I do in my life today, one day at a time. What does DENMW mean?  *I* can't not eat compulsively.  Left to my own power I eat no matter what.  So why do I say DENMW! This familiar phrase is a reminder of the priority that I must place on the actions which I take to support my abstinence.  Truly, if *I* could "not eat NMW", if I could do this truly by myself alone, by my determination and will power, born from the desire to eat in a fashion which would leave my life free from ill effects, then I would not have to be here to address this problem of compulsive overeating.  But alone I cannot do this. I can, however take action which make it possible for me to accept God's grace and abstain from the behavior of compulsively overeating.

First, however, it is essential that I admit that don't have the power to abstain from this behavior.  Next, I am able to look else where for the power to abstain.  I'll not elaborate on Step 2 here, but it too is essential so that I'm able to act with conviction on Step 3.  Having admitted that I have a problem which is insolvable by myself, and believing that there is a power which can help me then I'm able to decide to avail myself of the power of that assistance to address this problem. At this point I have attained abstinence, but though my actions have not confirmed this to myself yet.  Like preparing to strike a chime which I may have heard before, I know what it has sounded like in the past when others or myself have struck it.  The sound may ring in my mind, but the true sound current of abstinence does not yet actually vibrate in my body.  Now I must strike the chime.  Without striking the chime with the hammer of action, abstinence is theoretical, without cause and without effect.  And the paradox is that I alone have the power to swing the hammer. Swinging the hammer is essential to feeling the true sound of abstinence.  No one can strike the chime for me.   It is necessary for me to strike the chime every day so that this sound actually vibrates and I can truly feel it rather than only hearing it in my mind.  The sound must vibrate every day. There is more than one way to swing the hammer.  How I hold it, the direction and power of the stroke can vary and that may affect the sound of the chime. How do I swing the hammer?

I swing the hammer every time I call my sponsor.
I swing the hammer every time I commit my food.
I swing the hammer every time I weigh and measure my food.
I swing the hammer every time I plan time in my day for meals and food prep.
I swing the hammer every time I attend a meeting.
I swing the hammer every time I make an outreach call.
I swing the hammer every time I stand to sponsor.
I swing the hammer every time I take a food call.
I swing the hammer every time I read about a Step.
I swing the hammer every time I pray.
I swing the hammer every time I meditate.
I swing the hammer every time I speak to the positive picture of abstinence.
I swing the hammer every time I take the time to help another CO.

These are only a few ways, there are others. None of these actions comprise abstinence in and of themselves, but I must do enough of them so that I keep the sound of abstinence vibrating in my heart not just in my mind.  Thinking of abstinence will not do it, I must think of how I swing the hammer. I must swing the hammer no matter what.  NMW is the priority that I must place on the actions which I take to support my abstinence.  If I don't swing the hammer, I don't feel the sound of abstinence. Thus, "Don't Eat No Matter What" is an affirmation of how I have come to live because of swinging the hammer, it is a statement which urges others to do the same, and it is a reminder to keep the sound of abstinence vibrating in every part of my life. DENMW
Anonymous, July 3, 2005